Jim, Jack, Johnny and Jose: Cookie Zombie

Jim, Jack, Johnny and Jose: Cookie Zombie: " My mom would always take her Ambien about 30 minutes before she went to bed and would sit on the couch and watch TV until it ki..."

Cookie Zombie

            My mom would always take her Ambien about 30 minutes before she went to bed and would sit on the couch and watch TV until it kicked in. Once I saw her pop that pill it was always just a matter of time before the fridge raid would begin.

First on the menu at the 35 minute mark was Nachos. Eating them at the pace of a sloth she finishes them in approximately 20 minutes. After she’s licked her fingers clean my sloth zombie mother heads to the kitchen to get a handful of cookies. As she sits down with her eyes half open and crumbs falling down her shirt she gets about half the cookies she grabbed in her mouth and the other half is in the crack of the couch. When the cookie monster finally finishes her second course she practically crawls back into the kitchen for round 3. It’s cake time! With her eyeballs barely visible she spends about 15 minutes trying to make a connection between fork and plate. After eating half the fridge my mom finally passes out sitting straight up with a fork in one hand and a plate in the other. So I grab her plate and tell her to go to bed. She heads to the bedroom and not a minute later comes right back out looking for her dog Cooper. In the process of calling his name she some how managed to get his squeaky toy stuck between her toes. Every step she took resulted in a squeak. My mother of course being inebriated had no idea what was going on. So I just let her trot to the bedroom squeak toy and all! I would spend the remainder of the evening watching TV on the couch. Two hours after my mom squeaked her way into the bedroom she came sloshing back out. Not realizing I was even there she made her way to the kitchen. A bowl of shredded wheat it is! WTF?

The next morning my mom would wake me up asking if I had eaten a bowl of cereal in her room and telling me I needed to be more careful when eating on the couch because there was crumbs all in the crack.  

I’m thinking I might start putting mouse traps in the cereal!